Wednesday, July 28, 2010
OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
Today I received my 5th postal Chlamydia Testing Kit.
Some may see this as a fairly insignificant event, but this isn't 5th test of all time. This is my 5th test that I have received this month. This is the 5th test I have received within the month of July. According to my calculator widget the NHS believes that I have had random unprotected sex with a different STI-riddled partner every 5.6 days this month. I'll try to take that as a compliment.
In the first kit they offered me security and peace of mind as a reward for posting my pee in a bottle to the NHS.
In the third kit they offered me £10 off a purchase at hmv.com as well as security and peace of mind as a reward for posting my pee in a bottle to the NHS.
In this fifth kit I have been offered £15 off a purchase at hmv.com as well as security and peace of mind as a reward for posting my pee in a bottle to the NHS.
I think they are also trying to tell me that as a further reward for posting my pee in a bottle the NHS will stop judging me and tick me off their list of "Not Diseased There" girls.
I know I'm a massive slag and all* but come on. If you're reading this Mr Minister of Health, please stop it. My parents are getting worried, and my grandma is paying more and more attention to my hemlines. I'm one more postal test away from being followed by the local church group every time I go out.
*DISCLAIMER.
I'm not a massive slag. But, if you are or feel like a free HMV voucher, go to www.check-kit.org.uk to receive the reward of security and peace of mind.
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